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Here’s What Not to Do

Whaaaat

 

1. “Every hookup at a weekend wedding is decided at Friday Night Drinks. Get stuck with the wrong girl, the only action you’ll be getting all weekend is a self five and I don’t mean the cool kind.”

2. “A kid needs a pet cobra.”

4. “Golden Rule. I do not buy dinner to get the Yes. Dinner is a very intimate activity. It requires a level of connection and eye contact that sex just doesn’t.”

5. “Kids!? No! Don’t have kids! The rule is no kids until you’re at least 45. Don’t you EVER read my blog? It’s gotten a lot better.”

6.“People like being lied to. They just don’t like finding out they’ve been lied to.”

7. “You know what they say about relationships. Every waking moment’s a battle.”

8. “There are so many great things to do with the human mouth, why waste it on talking?”

9. “You’re different. Now I suppose you could learn to love yourself for the unique little snowflake you are or you could change your entire personality… which is just so much easier.”

10. “CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.”