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“Suit up!”
― Barney Stinson

“When I get sad, I stop being sad and be awesome instead.”
― Barney Stinson

“A lie is just a great story that someone ruined with the truth.”
― Barney Stinson

“Jesus waited three days to come back to life. It was perfect! If he had only waited one day, a lot of people wouldn’t have even heard he died. They’d be all, “Hey Jesus, what up?” and Jesus would probably be like, “What up? I died yesterday!” and they’d be all, “Uh, you look pretty alive to me, dude…” and then Jesus would have to explain how he was resurrected, and how it was a miracle, and the dude’d be like “Uhh okay, whatever you say, bro…” And he’s not gonna come back on a Saturday. Everybody’s busy, doing chores, workin’ the loom, trimmin’ the beard, NO. He waited the perfect number of days, three. Plus it’s Sunday, so everyone’s in church already, and they’re all in there like “Oh no, Jesus is dead”, and then BAM! He bursts in the back door, runnin’ up the aisle, everyone’s totally psyched, and FYI, that’s when he invented the high five. That’s why we wait three days to call a woman, because that’s how long Jesus wants us to wait…. True story.”
― Barney Stinson

“It’s going to be legen…wait for it…and I hope you’re not lactose-intolerant cause the second half of that word is…dairy!”

― Barney Stinson

“Article 2: “A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“Believe it or not, I was not always as awesome as I am today”
― Barney Stinson

“You know what Marshall needs to do. He needs to stop being sad. When I get sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead. True story.”
― Barney Stinson

“Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. It’s like the universe was saying, “Hey Barney, there’s this dude, he’s pretty cool, but it is your job to make him awesome”
― Barney Stinson

“Article 24: “When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o’clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“Article 100: “When pulling up to a stoplight, a Bro lowers his window so that all might enjoy his music selection.”
Corollary: “If there happens to be a hot chick driving the car next to the Bro, the Bro shall put his sunglasses down to get a better look. If he’s not wearing his sunglasses, he will first put them on, then pull down to get a better look.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“Dude.. where’s your suit? Just once, when I say “suit up” I wish you’d put on a suit.”
― Barney Stinson

“A lie is just a really great story that someone ruined with the truth.”
― Barney Stinson

“Destiny strips at the Melon Patch. They’re people Ted, try to keep ’em straight.”
― Barney Stinson

“When I’m sad, I stop being sad, and be awesome instead! True Story…”
― Barney Stinson

“ARTICLE 54 A Bro is required to go out with his Bros on St. Patty’s Day and other official Bro holidays, including Halloween, New Year’s Eve, and Desperation Day (February 13).”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“ARTICLE 85 If a Bro buys a new car, he is required to pop the hood when showing it off to his Bros. COROLLARY: His Bros are required to whistle, even if they have no idea what they’re whistling at.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“ARTICLE 2 A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“A Bro is always entitled to do something stupid, as long as the rest of his Bros are all doing it.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“When wearing a baseball cap, a Bro may position the brim at either 12 or 6 o’clock. All other angles are reserved for rappers and the handicapped.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“ARTICLE 130 If a Bro learns another Bro has been in a traffic accident, he must first ask what type of car he collided with and whether it got totaled before asking if his Bro is okay.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“ARTICLE 41 A Bro never cries. EXCEPTIONS: Watching Field of Dreams, E.T., or a sports legend retire.*”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code

“ARTICLE 120 A Bro always calls another Bro by his last name. EXCEPTION: If a Bro’s last name is also a racial epithet.”
― Barney Stinson, The Bro Code